Serenity

Moving to NY we have had a lot of changes - from my husband being a professor to a seminarian: from our daughters being in school to me homeschooling them. And it has given me the opportunity to take care of some of my own internal housekeeping. Briefly, for years I have had trouble with an alcoholic in my life (not my husband). Finally it became clear I had tried everything I knew of. Al-Anon presented itself, and I went. Of the 12 Steps in AA and Al-Anon, the twelfth is to share Al-Anon with others - of course being the evangelist, I like to jump to no.12!

One evening I read ten characteristics of people affected by another's alcoholism; my husband's jaw dropped. Although he had been supportive of my decision to give Al-Anon a go, my clear overlap in 8/10 areas deepened his impression that it was the place for me.

One aspect of growing up with alcoholism is that one is always guessing at what is normal. One also has huge control issues. Here is an example of an epiphany I had. Our 5 year old with Down Syndrome is a challenge, and I had been experiencing rage towards her for months. I knew it was unreasonable, but couldn't figure out why I was reacting to her in this way. I prayed, fasted, went to confession, exercized, got more sleep: nothing worked. One day I said, "She wants what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it." A few days later, having trouble with my 'qualifier' (AA term for alcoholic in ones life), out I blurted, "He wants what he wants, when he wants it, how he wants it."

Aha.

Awareness, Acceptance. (2 important Al-Anon steps) My rage at our daughter was not rage at her behavior, but rage at how my qualifier has behaved towards me. I needed to be aware of the connection, accept the feelings, and then know that I was in charge of my own behavior. Regardless of anyone else's behavior, I can have serenity, joy and gratitude.

Since that day, the rage against my daughter is gone. Poof.

I am so thankful for Al-Anon - so are my husband and girls.

Under the Mercy,

Beth

allthesebeth@yahoo.com

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