We all know how true the mother-in-law jokes can be and the father-in-law whose precious daughter could never have married anyone good enough for her.
However, who out there has good examples of in-laws? What have they done - or, go ahead and write anonymously, what have you done - that has helped the relationship? It can be from the beginning or in response to a rocky time.
Please invite the older generation to join in with their stories. One friend said her mother-in-law-to-be sent her a gold nugget pendant and a letter about how their relationship was as yet unformed, but had lots of promise, etc. Even if a story feels corny to you, it can be a starting point for someone else. So be generous with your ideas. We can become convinced that if it’s not bad news it’s not newsworthy.
And we have a newly engaged person in our group who might be eager for some tips!
Here is my ‘Best of Times’ submission:
My father-in-law is constantly supportive. ‘You are a wonderful mother.’ ‘You and your husband have a great marriage.’ And then every five years he offers a piece of advice, such as, ‘Keep going to the same church; don’t break up the family.’ When it’s that infrequent, spaced with consistent praise, I am eager to take his counsel seriously.
Beth
First let me say, I'm thoroughly enjoying reading the myriad of subjects this wonderful group discusses. It is "head candy" for me in the midst of what can be sometimes a mindless week.
Now about the in-laws (or as someone once referred to them, "the out-laws")... Having just hosted mine for nearly three weeks, I'm reminded of several things, 1st; honor thy mother and father (even if they're your husband's) and common courtesy and hospitallity should not be a lost art (especially if you were raised with southern gentility.) Having always had my in-laws only minutes away until just recently, I never had the opportunity to spend enormous amounts of time with them under the same roof until this summer. They bought their "retirment home" in Tennessee, but have been back to Florida several times lately to tie up loose ends. Anyway... they have always been such wonderful grandparents to my babies (not really infants at this point) and have lended a hand many times, but... and I hesitate to mention this as it seems somewhat petty...my MIL often likes to give unsolicited advice. My knee-jerk reaction is to think "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS", but I've learned after nearly 20 years, that her generation and her circumstances have molded her ideas on the following topics: child rearing, finances, vacations, meal prep, car care, vocational selection, etc. So, while she rarely says things to me directly (I get the comments second hand from my beloved), I've learned to take what I can use, consider the source, and lastly to cherish these people who raised my man, and often make me giggle (although most times unintentionally.) God bless the outlaws!
Waiting for their return at Christmas!
Katie
Posted by: Katie | July 18, 2006 at 06:31 AM
Katie,
Thanks for the kind words directed at the whole group. Very kind, and much appreciated! We hope you share the site with friends and encourage them to join the discussion.
As to your out-law observations: well said!
It is the somewhat petty items that burn the fuse so quickly, isn't it? I'm reminded though, of what C.S. Lewis discussed in "The Four Loves". He wrote of "Storge" (affection). It was the love that cherished our loved ones' oddities, idiosyncrasies, etc. Not because the oddities aren't odd, but rather because the oddities are what make our loved ones who they are.
That concept has really helped me when the MIL's oddities bump incongruously up against my oddities--or sin.
Thomas More
Posted by: Thomas More | July 18, 2006 at 02:05 PM