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Thomas More

OH Philomena!! That's both horrible and hilarious!

The: "I'll take a double cafe, half latte, lemon twist, and a girlfriend on the side" intro at Starbucks is one for the record books.

On your Jonathon Edwards-like resolution, you should note that not ALL men are adulterous liars--some aren't married yet, so they can't be adulterous, yet. I cannot weasle my half of the species out from the "liar" label. But, by way of mitigation, I should point out the dating rituals. They are almost entirely imposed by the women, and they force us to obfuscate to make it to date number two (wear clean clothes, shave, bath, etc.--in fact, just last night my brother-in-law recounted his first date with my sister-in-law: he had to go and buy dishes and utensils! Outrageous demands the women make, outrageous.)

If there wasn't a women-mandated requirement that we lie, I'm sure we wouldn't, at least not as much: "No, I don't have a job; Yes, I shower once a week--whether I need it or not; Yes, you do look fat in that; No, I'd rather not talk about how YOUR day was, it's only the 7th inning, etc."

I've often said that "dating relationship" should be defined as "a long process of tearing down the perfect image you project on your first date, to the point where she knows who you actually are--and still wants to see you again." Oh well, such is the complicated world of courting!

Now, lying about fundamental issues--of which marital status qualifies--is obviously out of bounds. I mean, there's lying to impress, and then there's lying--we must have standards (keep in mind, most of this is tongue-in-cheek.)

Interestingly enough, your boy didn't seem to lie though! Not only was he cute, he was truthful!

Nevertheless, I think you second resolution is a better--though filled with disappointment--plan in the long term.

Keep paddling in that pool you dumb blonde!! And best of luck out there, we're pulling for you.

Thomas More


I worked a catering job last week where the DJ blessed our ears with copious amounts of horribly profane and explicit rap music. While enduring this, I was reminded of your post and I felt quite sympathetic to your plight. It is quite apparent, at least here in South Florida, that pop culture, the media, and society as a whole has slowly seen to the degradation of women and relationships in general. As males, we are tought by society to satisfy ourselves relationally (or perhaps I should say sexually) at all times at all costs. As a naive, un-jaded, hopelessly in love married man of a mere 4 weeks this saddens me. Though I do believe there are definite flaws in the dating process as Mr. More quite eloquently stated, I must admit that much of the blame rests in the hands of the male population. So, on behalf of men everywhere who have failed to properly uphold the value of women and the sanctity of marriage, I offer our humble apologies.

I too will affirm your resolution to be a dumb blonde. Take heart, there is a remnant and you certainly deserve to not have to settle. To quote the immortal words of the great philosopher Vanilla Ice, "Anything less than the best is a felony".

Happy paddling,


Thomas More


Yours was one of the all-time great comments. You've effortlessly tied together an apology for 1/2 the species and the immortal words of Vanilla Ice. I daresay, V.I. and the musings of male shortcomings is what this blog is all about! Well done.

I have a bit of a chicken-and-egg question after reading your comment. I often wonder about the oncoming cultural train wreck viz men and women and relationships. Apparently the type of music you describe and the parallels on t.v. and movies sell. There is a market for it. I'm afraid the market begets more market, but still, there was and is initially a desire to buy/hear/watch such things.

So, is the "art" of the society pulling the society down, or is the art reflecting the desires of the already-reduced society?

Alright, stop, collaborate and listen,

Thomas More

Jay Cline


You are absolutely right about commitment, active and daily, being the true stuff that marriages are made of. After ten years of marriage, that has certainly been my observation. Bless my wife for making that daily commitment ...

It is axiomatic that in dating you will encounter the skimmed cream as well as the scum left behind. Your attitude to persevere with blessed naivity is the best approach. Their corrosion does not have to corrode you.


Sir Thomas,

Things that make you go hmm...You have posed an excellent question that I am not sure I can do justice to, but here is my feeble attempt.

In this case I believe I will have to go with the egg in that I think that the "art" accurately reflects our currently depraved state. Throughout history there have always been those interested in the devious and profane. For these individuals, culture has rarely failed to meet their needs and I believe that our time period is no exception.

Over the past 50 years or so, we have seen a rapid deterioration of the walls of morality that have guarded us against this type of material. In addition, we are producing a people group who has a tremendous probability of having a traumatic home life and/or divorcing. This of course leads to "looking for love in all the wrong places, looking for love in too many faces" to the extent that our present culture scarcely knows what a functional relationship looks like. Combine all of this with the myriad ways we now have at our fingertips to get our "art" out to the masses and you are left with a market of biblical proportions. This particular type of material sells exceptionally well in a day and age where anything goes, points are added for shock value, and pushing the envelope is expected. Of course, as you mentioned, the market then begets more market and I again echo Vanilla Ice, "will it ever stop? Yo, I don't know". Suffice it to say that we are hungry for it and it seems that everyone who can get their hands in the proverbial cookie jar is more than willing to deliver.

Additionally disturbing to me in this whole mess, though, is the general female response. Why embrace it? Why is one of the most popular songs on the radio "Promiscuous Girl" (sung by a bunch of women, I might add)? When did we start feeding females this lie that the harlot was desired above all else to such an extent that they actually started to believe it? Where id we go wrong? Where do we go from here? Maybe the hearts of men are always evil all the time.

Perhaps the easiest solution would be to take Mr. Ice up on his offer that "if you got a problem, yo I'll solve it." Then again, maybe not.

I'm out, word to your mother.




That's absolutely wretched. As a fellow dumb blonde who sometimes wants to chuck the paddle, I sympathize completely. But that HAS to be a rare encounter...doesn't it? (I'll stick with naivete too.)

Did you at least throw your latte in his supposed-to-be-committed face? :)

Thomas More

By the way, Captain's Quarters, a fine blog, has a daily cartoon. Today's seems remotely connected to all of this male/female discussion:


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