A Father's Blessing

In "Fiddler on the Roof,"  Tevye's three elder daughters choose the men they will marry.  They are not rich or well-connected.  The tailor chosen over the butcher is hard enough.  'But I love him, Papa!'  Then the second daughter chooses an atheist and plans to follow him to Siberia where he is in a labor camp.  Lastly, Tevye's favourite, Havilah, 'everybody's favorite child' chooses a bookish man, but from their oppressors.  Will Tevye bless his daughters?  The second and third daughters will follow their chosen husband regardless, but the entire family is almost broken by sorrow because Tevye feels he cannot bless Havilah's choice.  As I remember it, right at the end, as Anatevka is being forcibly evacuated, as his family are being scattered, Tevye ensures that its heart is whole; in not so many words, he gives Havilah his blessing.

Why is this blessing so important?  Without the father's blessing, a daugther feels torn, in doubt, she has not been let go.  I am a favorite child.  So is a young woman in my church; she is engaged to a lovely, kind, intelligent, honest man.  But her father will not give his blessing because the groom is not good enough for his favorite and only child.  I was taught 'You can do anything you want to do.'  I was given wings to fly.  By witholding the blessing it feels like there is a string attached to my leg; I can fly and I will, but I have not been given the freedom to soar as I was supposed to do.

Over and again I hear or simply sense that there are thousands of us:  Daddy's little girl.  We were his delight, he poured his time, resources, and dreams in to us - at least some times to the exclusion of our mothers.  But when it is time for us to marry, who could possibly love us, care for us, provide for us as well as we deserve (Remember, we are practically perfect in every way)?  Will the father admit that he thinks, 'Nobody as well as I'?

So may I register a plea to you fathers?  Be wise, like Tevye.  Don't fool yourself that she will choose you over her husband.  Give your daughter your blessing.  You will keep your daughter, gain a son, and more likely enjoy the blessing of family around you in your old age.

Yours candidly,

Beth

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Comments

[Philomena]

Similarly, I think mothers sometimes have a hard time letting go of their sons. When my Dad got married his father had already died. His mother not only failed to give him her blessing, but called down curses on my mother and any of their future offspring!!! Thankfully he decided to get married anyway and my sister and I feel fine.

[Mrs. More]

Further encouragement: my father has been one of those wise fathers who gave us his blessing the moment we got engaged, and has been a blessing to us ever since. (His only hiccup was his desire to warn me of Mr. More's surprise proposal ahead of time, just in case.) That aside, if he has ever had any misgivings or concerns of any kind, we have never known about them - not spoken, not implied. Quite the opposite - he is encouraging and respectful at every turn, eager to help in any way, but quick to defer and avoid stepping on toes. As a result, we seek him out for advice and assistance often and greatly enjoy time spent with him. We love to have him stay with us and often wish he would stay longer! If ever he wants or needs to live with us, Mr. More and I would be happy and blessed to have him. Clearly his approach to fathering has benefitted us, and himself as well. Selfishly I imagine he enjoys his freedom to continue to pour his love, time, and dreams into his daughter's life in a way that is appropriate after having given her away.

(If I have overstated Mr. More's opinions, he's sure to chime in, but as for father-in-laws, I think I'm safe.)

[Didymus]

As a father I imagine myself setting a precedent of how a man is to treat a lady. My hope is that my son will see and do and my daughter see and expect. My theory goes like this, the better man I am the better chance my son has of being a good man and my daughter of choosing one.
Didymus

[Thomas More]

As a follow-up, I spotted this old article at Christianity Today. Might be interesting to note:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/001/26.48.html

[quick cash loan]

In the Old Testament the word for blessing means the transmittal or endowment of the power of God’s goodness and favor. It was usually done with the spoken word and the laying on of hands. It was done by fathers to their children, but were also given by people in authority to those under their authority or by priests to the congregation of believers.

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