Formation is constantly on my mind, raising three little girls. James Stenson, author of Successful Fathers and headmaster for decades, is my favorite parenting author. He writes booklets such as 'Preparing for Peer Pressure' and 'Preparing for Adolescence'. A point from the former has stuck in my mind. When does one begin to prepare ones child to resist peer pressure? 12? 10? According to Stenson, age 2. Self-control is the underlying virtue necessary to resist peer pressure in its many forms and learning not to throw a temper tantrum at 2 and learning to amuse oneself at age 4 are stepping stones to resisting the urge to follow the pack or give in to ones feelings as ones abilities and independence grow. Stenson's reasoning illustrates his style and philosophy running through each book. He does not address particulars (how to discipline ones children, for example), but gives the building blocks for successful parenting.
Compass is a book which he wrote for couples to read and to read in a group, one which might meet for dinner or dessert monthly. Ideally the parents would have children of various ages so they could learn from one another. Has anyone tried this?
My husband never wants to burden people with his ideas, but he has given Successful Fathers to friends and acquaintances regularly - I think a number of our group have read it and others. What else have you found helpful in his works?
Sincerely,
The reason for your husband's behavior is that his ideas are so burdensome! That's a joke. In fact Mr. Beth sent me "Successful Fathers" a while back. It is now listed as my favorite book (really more like a pamphlet it is so short and easy to read) on parenting. In fact, I was going to post some day on it and some others that have been useful to Mrs. More and I.
I'll start here and post more later. Stenson presents all battles as 18 year, not 18 minute, battles. Thus, partents must deal with all situations with kids as looking to their ultimate development as adults--not just the temporary "who will win this standoff, I'm the parent, so I will" sort of thing.
What he is shooting for in the 18 year old is character--seen as the possessing and living out of the 7 virtues.
Over the last year or two, the elders at my church have used the classical virtues and vices as our platform for our accountability discussions. They are very useful when thinking about how your kids are coming along as well as how even leaders of churches are doing.
My favorite thing Stenson did--in fact I was just mentioning this point from the book to Didymus Saturday!--is he puts the entire "art" of parenting into context. I've always had little pearls of wisdom, or examples from my own upbringing to use. But Stenson brings it all together and makes everything "fit" into the big picture. That, I think, was my favorite part of his work.
It is only 60-something pages and a few bucks--every parent, or someone thinking of being a parent, or someone who knows parents, should give it a read!
Great stuff Beth!
Posted by: Thomas More | September 20, 2006 at 09:08 AM