Samson vs. Delilah: To Beard or not to Beard

In the course of my preparing to attend an Orthodox Christian seminary, many of my friends are asking the most essential questions.  What most want to know, and they cut right to the chase, is whether or not I shall have to grow a beard in order to be an Orthodox priest.  No one, happily, asks about doctrinal matters (e.g. what do the Orthodox have to say about the filioque?) or about worship (why do you stand for the whole service?) or about spirituality (why do you fast during Lent?).  They want to know about the beard.  "Are you required to grow one?", it usually begins, "and what if
you can't grow one?".  The immediate serious answer is that a beard for an Orthodox priest is customary but not mandatory - and certainly not mandatory for those men challenged by whiskers.  And the reaction to the issue is easy to predict given the sex of the questioner.  If a male asks, he usually approves of the idea of growing a beard; if a female asks, they frown and furrow their beardless faces.  But what a lovely thing to contemplate for a man: a beard, a long beard, no shaving and splashing with athletic vigor an aftershave.  The beard runs contrary to so much that is inflicted on men:  rather than smooth-chinned and close-clipped prettiness, the man can look, well, like a man and not a metrosexual.  It's the glory of differentiation between the sexes.  I need hardly adduce that our Lord had a beard himself and so we have Dominical warrant - that would be too reckless.  But a part of me looks forward to the day when I can flout all the objections about "scragliness", "what-about-the-food?", and "isn't it itchy?" and grow a beard with nary a regard for culture which aspires to the unisexual.  But I'll have to watch out for Delilah.

Nicodemus

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Comments

[Philomena]

Can I point out the obvious? Mrs Nicodemus is the only one who should answer this important question!

[Thomas More]

A female dictatorship over the man's own person?!?! Outrageous!

What about ol' St. Nic having some say-so? Obviously, if Mrs. Nic were to threaten him with diminishing her wifely charms--maybe a counter 'no shave' policy--it could influence the decision, but that doesn't give her sole authority. Action, reaction is one thing, sole authority is another!

[Philomena]

Who has to spend the most time looking at the beard? Who will spend the most time pointing out the food which gets stuck in the beard?
I think Mrs Nic deserves veto power.

[Nicodemus]

Mrs. Nic. has wisely pointed out that wives of priests rarely see their husbands! She suggests that it might be good to keep me ugly (a comment, Mr. More, which needs no further development).