"Reading" on the Throne

Beloved readers, please don't poo poo my blog.  Allow me to use this space to flesh out a discussion I had today with my darling husband.  Would you please answer the following question, which comes directly from my aforementioned husband:

Where do you usually sit when you read Parade magazine (usually found in the Sunday paper)?

a.  on the potty

b.  at the kitchen table (with your bowl of cereal)

c.  you don't read Parade because you have children under 5, and you haven't had time to eat, much less read in the past 5 years.  (Please include your gender with your answer.)

I have chosen to allocate valuable blogging real estate for such a topic because I believe I have finally determined why men take reading material into the bathroom.  It's not to read.  Frankly, I don't even think they need to go, if you know what I mean.  Ladies....  THEY'RE HIDING.

The bathroom is the perfect place for them to go.  Think about it.  Who can deny someone the right to use the bathroom?  Once they're in there, they're untouchable.  All Hell could be breaking loose, but the sacred door is locked.  It's like being in a sound-proof booth; they're absolved of all responsibility on the other side of the door.

Now let's consider the mothers.  Who among us would ever dream of taking 15 minutes to repose in the lavatory?  What mother has the luxury of even going to the bathroom alone?  In my experience, I'm usually attended by 1, 2 or 3 little ones (in very close proximity).  I've even been known to nurse a baby, tend to a toddler and get my business done, so to speak.  Parade magazine was never an option. 

But now, I believe it's time.  We deserve our potty time too.  It's time for women to take a seat, just like Rosa Parks.  I'm going to catch up on all that reading I've been meaning to do.  Shoot, I may bring a sofa in there too.  Why should men have all the fun?

Relieved at last,

Lucy

Comments

[Thomas More]

Awesome post!

Male.

I don't read Parade, but crosswords, the sports page, a history of the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, and the Claremont Review of Books have all made the sanctuary's library in recent times. And I have plenty of kids under 5.

[Beth]

Dear Beth,

Female, never even heard of Parade - yes, children 6/5/3.

But I lock the door on one bathroom and have taught the kids the word, 'privacy'. It began when their gma visited and was not pleased with their assumption that they could accompany her morning ablutions.

One step earlier, I also steeled myself when baby L. was an infant and took showers alone, with L. safely in her bouncy seat in another room where, if she did cry, I could not hear her. She was safe, and I needed a calm, quiet 10-15 minutes.

Good job, Lucy.

For added data, both my parents guard their daily trip to the throne room with religious regularity. They read the newspaper, drink coffee, etc.

Enjoy!

Beth

[Philomena]

Great post, Lucy!

I don't have any kids, but my trips to the loo are still as quick as I can possibly make them. There's no reading material in my bathroom. (That's yukky)!

[Mrs. More]

Female. Children 6/4/2/7mo.

I never go alone and obviously never read. As Mr. More already commented, he does and without guilt. As he would say, "Reason 203 it's good to be a man."

As to privacy, my oldest has begun to crave privacy in the privy, and the 4-year-old understands the concept (but often ignores it seeing no need for it for her or anyone else.) The two-year-old is just beginning to try out the porcelain throne (actually his is plastic) and just yesterday had me close the door for him so he could have some "privacy." I was still sitting next to him of course. In his mind there is nothing more private than being alone - with mommy.

GREAT post Lucy. There is nothing more true. My question is why men and women respond so differently to privacy (or lack thereof) in this context.

Mrs. More

[The Interface]

Aww nuts! She's on to us!

[Philomena]

I'm thinking this might have something to do with the female compulsion towards multitasking. Reading on the toilet is about as much multitasking as the guys will do, but the girls have to be parenting at the same time and then rushing out to get something else accomplished.
Ladies, maybe we should follow the guys lead (which I think is where this discussion is going...!)

[John]

Unless there's an article about Jessica Alba inside, I make it a rule never to read Parade.
While we'll all admit that mothers are superior and naturally more sacrificial than all of us Al Bundy fathers, I do seem to recall a period of several years when, I, too, kvetched every day about not being able to use the loo (as Philomena would say) or take a shower without having to field at least three questions and referee two spats.
Now that my kids have learned that they are supposed to RUN to the next county if they see our bedroom door shut (as opposed to bursting in and invading), an occasional reading of All the King's Men, or What Every Fifth Grader Should Know, has been known to take place in our bathroom. But Parade remains with the Classifieds on the kitchen counter. (And no matter how old the kids get, the best way to locate any of them is to lie down and try to take a nap.)

[Danielle]

This is for John, July 19th post...just happened to come upon this in my search for the author of the book "What Every Fifth Grader Should Know" I think it may be out of print and I'm trying to get a hold of a copy. Would you mind telling me the author of that book?
Thanks!!
future 5th grade teacher,
Danielle