My apartment neighbor and new mom stopped me in the hallway recently to ask for my advice on a baby mattress she purchased. She had read some disturbing reviews online about safety and wanted the insight of a mother of three. A few weeks earlier, I called a woman who lives in our apartment complex who I know as well as this new mom knows me. I was pretty sure our kids had lice, but wanted a third party's opinion. This third party is a doctor. She never got back to me.
It strikes me that what people do for pay (doctor), they expect to be paid for at all times. Whereas if someone does something for free, she can't really charge people for that expertise (mother). One knows that people sometimes ask a lawyer for advice - but are they doing it to get out of having to pay for that advice? Is it reasonable for the lawyer to say, 'It's out of office hours now; come see me at my office'? But would a mother ever say to someone - well, office hours are 24/7.
Enter the idea of vocation. A priest is a priest at all times. A mother is a mother at all times. A priest isn't in it for the money: neither is a mother. So perhaps these people are able to be more 'available' for others. It bugs me, frankly, that when the doctor becomes a mom she can ask me for advice about potty training or discipline or teaching a child to read, but i have to pay her $100 to identify an ear infection. Her training took less time and stress, I guarantee you, than it took to learn the answers to the other questions.
It is not that I wouldn't love to answer her questions, either. It is hugely satisfying to try to help someone else.
What do you think?
Beth
I agree with you that it is a shame that one who has specialized training in a particular area should be considered more valuable than one who has learned their expertise in a vocation such as motherhood. However, doctors and lawyers are always being asked for free advice. It is understandable that your neighbor's first reaction should be one of rejection. Understandable yes, right no. You are still her neighbor, and she may need your help one day.
Posted by: Maureen | September 25, 2007 at 08:17 PM
I think this is a tricky one. Who DOESN'T have a question they could ask a doctor if they had one living close by? So, I can imagine them becoming very guarded about answering questions, assuming everyone is trying to take advantage, when realistically only a small percentage of people would do so.
Incidentally, I do have a recent example of a someone going out of their way to help others. One of my kitchen appliances broke and, frustrated at the professional consensus that it was going to cost hundreds of dollars to fix, I looked online for some info. I came across a whole discussion forum on this exact issue. One of the participants is a retired engineer, has worked out how to fix this particular applicance himself, and makes his instructions available by email to anyone who needs them. I requested the repair instructions, followed them, and the applicance is completely fixed! So, maybe the internet is a new haven for people willing to use their professional expertise to help others?
Posted by: Philomena | October 01, 2007 at 01:30 PM
This is an interesting point, Beth. It is funny how some professions emphasize being "on the clock." I had a friend who was an ER doctor, and I was so grateful to her for the many times she helped our family free of charge. I'm not a physician, but if I were, I hope I'd be willing to do pro-bono advising on occasion.
Lucy
Posted by: Lucy | October 04, 2007 at 10:54 AM