AllTheseThings

Youth Pastor's Worst Nightmare

Alright, more fun with YouTube.

So, I just finished up a 3-part preaching series.  Each Sunday, before I got up to the pulpit, I always had a flash of fear run through my mind that something like this might happen.  This is a doozy; hillarious, but probably not for the kids.  You need to focus on his eyes post-gaff.  I think he almost fainted when his ears heard what his mouth said.

This poor guy.  Can you imagine trying to pull a youth group back in after this one?  Good luck!

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As I like to remind all my friends...

Be careful where (and how) you pitch your tents,

Thomas More

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America's got Confidence

It’s slim pickins on TV at the moment, with the summer in full swing and all the good shows on hiatus. (I know, I know, based on my previous posts I’m supposed to be demonstrating total self control by giving up the dreaded tube. You can call me a back-slider and I’ll concede).

With my technologically advanced bunny-ear antenna, all I seem to be able to get these days is reality TV and game shows. The best of this bad lot has definitely been “America’s Got Talent”, the talent show which gives people the chance to show off in front of Sharon Osborne, Piers Morgan and (goodness-only-know-why) David Hasselhoff. As they move through the rounds of selection they get closer to a $1 million dollar prize and of course more publicity than they could ever imagine.

It is truly amazing how many talented singers, dancers, jugglers, magicians and comedians there are out there. That alone makes it a show worth watching. But the real entertainment is the people who are completely talent-less, but get up there on stage in front of three celebrity judges and a few million viewers and totally embarrass themselves. The judges frequently ask each performer before they begin “Do you think you have a 1 million dollar talent?” “Oh yes!!!” they all say. And I really think they all believe it. They perform, the judges tell them they’re terrible and ask them to leave the stage…. they get angry and start yelling at the judges……it’s all good stuff.

America certainly does have talent. But what America has even more of is confidence, and the two aren’t necessarily connected. In fact, from the looks of the show, most people have an excess of one and a complete absence of the other. But, they’re very entertaining as they prove this to the world. The judges job, it seems, is to find that rare person who has not only confidence, but some kind of ability to base it on. 

Conversely, few of us probably feel like we have much talent in the singing/dancing/acting category. David Hasselhoff would certainly tell us to get off the stage. But most of us have “gifts” that can still be quite impressive. They’re all different, and that’s the beauty of it. The trick seems to be identifying them and having the confidence to use them. Like the talent show, we’ve probably all come across people who speak very confidently about things they know very little about. But there are more of us out there, I think, who have very valuable talents that aren’t being used, purely due to lack of confidence.

I’m wondering if we can learn something from those brave but slightly delusional souls who, even if they’re a little lacking in the talent department, at least have the confidence to step out onto the stage.

Philomena

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Didn't See That Coming

Well, Philly's psychics didn't see this coming:  the police have begun shutting down all seers' shops in the city.  Apparently there is a 30-year-old law on the books banning visions-for-profit enterprises--yes, you are probably wondering, this does also include astrologers, phrenologists and tarot-card readers.  It appears Philly's council, three decades ago, might have been concerned about mediums' mendacity:  defrauding folks.  In any event, the Philly police have recently begun enforcing the law.

Which the shop owners should have seen coming.

The future looks bright,

Thomas More

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Samson vs. Delilah: To Beard or not to Beard

In the course of my preparing to attend an Orthodox Christian seminary, many of my friends are asking the most essential questions.  What most want to know, and they cut right to the chase, is whether or not I shall have to grow a beard in order to be an Orthodox priest.  No one, happily, asks about doctrinal matters (e.g. what do the Orthodox have to say about the filioque?) or about worship (why do you stand for the whole service?) or about spirituality (why do you fast during Lent?).  They want to know about the beard.  "Are you required to grow one?", it usually begins, "and what if
you can't grow one?".  The immediate serious answer is that a beard for an Orthodox priest is customary but not mandatory - and certainly not mandatory for those men challenged by whiskers.  And the reaction to the issue is easy to predict given the sex of the questioner.  If a male asks, he usually approves of the idea of growing a beard; if a female asks, they frown and furrow their beardless faces.  But what a lovely thing to contemplate for a man: a beard, a long beard, no shaving and splashing with athletic vigor an aftershave.  The beard runs contrary to so much that is inflicted on men:  rather than smooth-chinned and close-clipped prettiness, the man can look, well, like a man and not a metrosexual.  It's the glory of differentiation between the sexes.  I need hardly adduce that our Lord had a beard himself and so we have Dominical warrant - that would be too reckless.  But a part of me looks forward to the day when I can flout all the objections about "scragliness", "what-about-the-food?", and "isn't it itchy?" and grow a beard with nary a regard for culture which aspires to the unisexual.  But I'll have to watch out for Delilah.

Nicodemus

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Here I Am

Here's a pretty funny clip on President Bush speaking with President Bush. 

It takes some time, but shows his sense of humor.   The Presidency is not something you want a humorless man to hold.   

One of my favorite lines:  "The media really ticks me off, the way they try to embarass me by not editing what I say."  Another gem:  "Dick Cheney's a good man, he's got a good heart...well, Dick Cheney's a good man."

Thomas More

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Living Past Thirty

"Something's just not right--our air is clean, our water is pure, we all get plenty of exercise, everything we eat is organic and free-range, and yet nobody lives past thirty."

That's the caption to a cartoon a friend sent me, found here.  The picture:  two cavemen chatting in a cave.

It is a great reminder that there are some benefits to civilization, industrialization, and "progress."  In our times, we tend to focus on all the ills that come from industry.  But, in reality, there are pros to go with Al Gore's cons.  The convenient truth is, the industrial revolution allowed for a massive spike in world-wide wealth.  This improved overall standards of living.  I'm not saying there is not a balance to be struck--as losing the balance would ultimately deteriorate the standard of living gained.  In seeking that "balance," however, it seems the guilt-plagued wealthy folks--and countries--are willing to sacrifice other's chances of improving their standard of living, in the name of a healthy global environment.

We need to be able to explain, and deal with policy-wise, the cavemen's dilemma:  if we had perfectly healthy living, why weren't we living perfectly?  (Or at least longer and more pleasant lives?)  From this, we must construct policies that allow ills--pollution at some levels, for example--that generate greater goods for more people.

It is important to remember, that the state of nature is not the goal.  Thomas Hobbes correctly noted that life in nature is a war of every man against every man producing nothing good or beautiful: 

Whatsoever therefore is consequent to a time of Warre, where every man is Enemy to every man; the same is consequent to the time, wherein men live without other security... In such condition, there is no place for Industry; because the fruit thereof is uncertain; and consequently no Culture of the Earth; no Navigation, nor use of the commodities that may be imported by Sea; no commodious Building; no Instruments of moving, and removing such things as require much force; no Knowledge of the face of the Earth; no account of Time; no Arts; no Letters; no Society; and which is worst of all, continuall feare, and danger of violent death; And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.

We must manage our resources, but we must also rule over and subdue this world.  I doubt "ruling over" and "subduing" means simply "living in perfect harmony with".  I don't want to live in--or see again--"Waterworld", but I also don't want our policy makers kidding themselves into destroying lives in the name of some, false, greater good.  Living past 30 is alright by me.

Support Free Range Bloggers,

Thomas More

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Second Thoughts: The Humorous Take On the Election

As ScrappleFace reminds us, there is still a humorous spin to put on the election results.  Scott Ott comments on Rumsfeld's departure, and the fact the Pelosi is going to let Bush keep Cheney and Laura.

Then he turns to Bush's Top-10 list about good coming from yesterday's loss.  Number 9. Rhode Island Republican Sen. Lincoln Chafee lost and Connecticut Democrat Sen. Joe Lieberman won, a net gain of two for the GOP. And Number 1. C-Span could get a ratings boost for new reality show: Impeachment 2007.  Very funny stuff.

And the whole world's laughing with me,

Thomas More

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Revenge is Sweet

I'm honestly not sure what category to select for this post. "Humor" seemed the only appropriate selection, although it's a little twisted. I just read that a number of dead stingrays are washing up on Australias beaches. Authorities are suggesting that the poor unsuspecting creatures are victims of angry Steve Irwin fans, exacting revenge for the killing of their beloved hero. Can this be true??? Is there anyone out there, upset about the death of crazy old Steve, who would actually feel better by lopping the tails off a few his attackers closest relatives? Well, I suppose so, based soley on the fact that "it takes all sorts to make a world". Let's hope it's only one guy, heavily caffeinated at the time and hopefully over it by now. If there's more than one, we're all in trouble!
What's less surprising is that stringray tails are being taken as "souvenirs" of the gruesome event.

Philomena

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It's Miller Time! (Pass the Bacos)

Continuing my long-running, hard-hitting series on Friday food posts, let me inform you of some breaking news.  It has now been adjudicated that Miller Genuine Draft is actually...beer.  That's right, the men in robes have conclusively ruled that, despite its taste and appearance as a yellowish watery substance, MGD is, in fact, beer.  So, as you stock up for the weekend ahead, go on, buy yourself that six pack you were worried was not really beer.  Special thanks to the always-brilliant Taranto for this find.

Ah, but what to eat with that beer?  Well, if you're like most Americans, whatever you choose as your dish, you'll put meat on top!  That's right, according to "The Onion" (a satire site, with a fair share of offensive content, be forewarned!), a new report shows that meat is the number two condiment in America:

Though once defined as just a stand-alone meal, meat has risen quickly up the ranks to become the nation's second most popular condiment, according to a study released by the U.S. Department of Agriculture...

"In the past several years, meat's use as a way to enhance the flavor of foods has increased exponentially," said Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns. "Ketchup is still number one, but at the rate people are putting meat on top of other meats and foods, it may very well surpass it by 2010."

You can read the rest of the report here.

Have a nice weekend once that 5 o'clock whistle blows everyone!

Blogs great, content's less filling,

Thomas More

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Friday Food Frivolity

This post is not profound.  Don't be fooled. 

This is, however, "one of the great food reviews of all time."  That's how an email linking this LA Times food review was described to me.  Admittedly, when I read the email's subject line I was pretty skeptical.  Could it be one of the best food reviews I've ever read?  Sure, because it was only the first or second.  But one of the best all-time?  Seemed doubtful.

Nevertheless, I trusted the source and read on.  As you should read for yourself, it is a review of KFC's new Famous Bowls.  The opening line:

"As we consider the worst fast-food offering ever, let us begin with the artifact itself..."

"OK," I thought, the email said it was the [best] ever, so I haven't seen anything but hyperbole yet; but I was intrigued.  Think of it:  "The worst fast-food offering ever"?  From a professional food reviewer?  That's quite a statement.  The article continued:

[the] product consists of a plastic tub of mashed potatoes or rice, topped with yellow corn, fried chicken nuggets, gravy and three varieties of grated cheese. All in one container, all to be consumed as a single homogenous mass, spork after spork of undifferentiated food matter.

Now he had me:  "single homogenous mass," "spork after spork," and "undifferentiated food matter" all in one sentence.  Brilliance colliding with hilarity prompting nausea.  Great stuff.  Plus, everyone loves sporks.  They love the word "spork"; they love the childhood--OK, for some still, the adulthood--thrill of getting/using a spork; they love the ingenuity and engineering behind the invention of the spork.

Later, in pointing out the high calories and fat in the meal, the author reminds us:  "And so what if it's all in one bowl? NASA used to serve astronauts Thanksgiving meals in a squeeze tube."  And the money line of the entire piece; what's the Famous Bowl experience like, you ask?:

"It's like throwing up in reverse."

The pen is indeed mightier than the spork.  Therefore, the author, in classic LAT style, can't keep his trashing of trash light.  Instead he launches into social commentary on fast food, etc.  This is a serious topic, and very much in line with our recent discussions on art, T.V., and movies, oh yeah, and art again and T.V. again.  But we don't need to delve into culture and food here today.  Lets just say that this review is fairly consistent with our thoughts on the ills of modern culture.

The beauty though, is in the hilarious way the author describes this cultural phenomenon.  He concludes:

And yet I remain appalled—as well as a little woozy from all the salt. It's one thing to say Americans eat like pigs, it's another to give it the force of literalism. But that's just what the trough-like Famous Bowls do. If there were a Food Court at The Hague, the Colonel would be in big trouble.

Just a little "food for thought" on a Friday.  Have a nice weekend!

Thomas More

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