AllTheseThings

Struggling

I've been struggling.  You see, my children won't obey.  They whine and talk back and give me attitude, and I'm getting worn out.  The fact that I'm homeschooling means that I get a full dose of this nearly every day all day long.  You would think the fact that I'm with them all the time would mean that I would have trained them NOT to do such things.  But alas, they have not "arrived" yet, so to speak.  (In their defense, they don't disobey ALL the time.  But sometimes it seems quite frequent! :)

I have spent many hours reading parenting books, coming up with my disciplinary strategies, etc.  I have spent many hours praying and asking God to give me patience, wisdom and clarity as to how I should parent them.  But the most convicting thing I've read lately was in I Samuel 3:13 when God says that He is ready to punish Eli, the priest, because, "I have warned him continually that judgment is coming for his family, because his sons are blaspheming God and he hasn't disciplined them."  Eli and his sons would die soon after.

My children aren't blaspheming God, but I still have a responsibility to discipline them.  Their behavior is my responsibility, especially while they are young.  One day it will be theirs alone, but hopefully by then, they will have learned how to submit to the Lord and obey Him directly, after learning to obey their Mom and Dad in their youth.

Working every day to do better (by God's Spirit),

Lucy 

Three beautiful words

“I don’t know.”

May we teach these to our children.  First, so that they know we are not God.  Second, so that they can see how one learns: “Let’s go find out.”  Third, so that when they have a job, they know what to say when they do not know.  Honesty, humility, truth: they revive the soul.

Beth

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Ice Cream Shops

Our seven year old struggles with a glass half empty.  Yesterday she played all day with her best friend, watched a movie and had friends to dinner. She bewailed the fact that she hadn’t had time to read 'Peter Pan’. Here is an image that seemed to help her see the folly.

You are taken to an ice cream shop.  You choose a chocolate chip ice cream on a sugar cone. Licking it with pleasure, your eye spies the caramel ice cream. You drop the cone on the floor and cry out, “But I don’t get to have caramel!”

A smile dawned on her face.

This parenting is tough work.  Patience is not a natural virtue in me.  But then, I guess I struggle with the same temptations as our daughter!

Beware of falling apples.

Beth

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Passport To Purity

I just experienced the most wonderful weekend with my 13-year-old daughter. I had purchased Family Life's Passport to Purity package a couple of years ago but have been putting off scheduling a weekend to go through it with my daughter.

Well, a month ago my husband cornered me and made me pick a weekend.

After 16 years overseas, we are moving to the U.S. this summer, and he knew it was definitely time for me to have some more serious conversation with our daughter about sexual purity.

We have had several talks about sex over the years, but in the midst of even those my insides have always been fraught with a strong message to get the heck out of there and talk about something non-threatening, like the weather! So as I opened the Passport to Purity package a week ago and began familiarizing myself with it, I got nauseous realizing that I was going to sit side-by-side with my daughter and listen to and discuss these CDs.

I also cried quite a bit as I realized how much I wish I'd had a weekend like this with my mom as I entered my teenage years. That was 30 years ago, and there weren't many good parenting books even on the market, much less an extensive tool to help my parents talk with us about what to expect in our teenage years and helping us set standards. I completely understand why I didn't have that time with my mom, but I sure could have used it. I had no idea what I was doing as a teenager and took all my cues from other kids who also had no idea what they were doing. So I knew I HAD to walk through every stage of this material together with my daughter, no matter how awkward it might be for me.

Now that our weekend is over and we are back home, all I can say is that it may have been the best two days in all of my parenting experience! I loved it; my daughter loved it; the walls are completely down; I became comfortable talking about all aspects of sex with her; and I feel like my daughter is fairly equipped to face the complex issues of her teens, especially as she experiences public school and life in America for the first time.

If you have a son or daughter in the 11-13 year age range, please take a look at www.passporttopurity.com to learn more.  If we're not actively engaged in doing this kind of thing with each of our kids in today's culture, I think we are seriously setting them up for failure.

Theresa Olive

Serenity

Moving to NY we have had a lot of changes - from my husband being a professor to a seminarian: from our daughters being in school to me homeschooling them. And it has given me the opportunity to take care of some of my own internal housekeeping. Briefly, for years I have had trouble with an alcoholic in my life (not my husband). Finally it became clear I had tried everything I knew of. Al-Anon presented itself, and I went. Of the 12 Steps in AA and Al-Anon, the twelfth is to share Al-Anon with others - of course being the evangelist, I like to jump to no.12!

One evening I read ten characteristics of people affected by another's alcoholism; my husband's jaw dropped. Although he had been supportive of my decision to give Al-Anon a go, my clear overlap in 8/10 areas deepened his impression that it was the place for me.

One aspect of growing up with alcoholism is that one is always guessing at what is normal. One also has huge control issues. Here is an example of an epiphany I had. Our 5 year old with Down Syndrome is a challenge, and I had been experiencing rage towards her for months. I knew it was unreasonable, but couldn't figure out why I was reacting to her in this way. I prayed, fasted, went to confession, exercized, got more sleep: nothing worked. One day I said, "She wants what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it." A few days later, having trouble with my 'qualifier' (AA term for alcoholic in ones life), out I blurted, "He wants what he wants, when he wants it, how he wants it."

Aha.

Awareness, Acceptance. (2 important Al-Anon steps) My rage at our daughter was not rage at her behavior, but rage at how my qualifier has behaved towards me. I needed to be aware of the connection, accept the feelings, and then know that I was in charge of my own behavior. Regardless of anyone else's behavior, I can have serenity, joy and gratitude.

Since that day, the rage against my daughter is gone. Poof.

I am so thankful for Al-Anon - so are my husband and girls.

Under the Mercy,

Beth

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Norms and Nobility

If you want a shot in the arm about the true aims of education, read David Hicks' treatise entitled, 'Norms and Nobility'.  He reminds us that we need to teach children what ought to be done, not what can be done.  In teaching children to ask and to seek answers to the great questions, "What is courage? What is virtue?" their imaginations are engaged in learning.  When L. and I read Odysseus, I will not ask her first for themes, or 'what happened', but about character and how it is shown.  I am a novice at this, but excited.

Beth

Keep it to yourself

Yesterday a bunch of church friends and I were commiserating with each other over our poor health. It seems that we had effectively shared two different bugs amongst ourselves: a coughing/fever bug and a puking bug.  Most of us had suffered from at least one or the other. I have just recovered from the coughing/fever variety.

If I compare my church environment to my work environment, one is definitely more healthy than the other. OK, one of them involves wearing latex gloves and washing your hands 20 times a day and the other one is full of small children, but nevertheless, there’s a stark difference. It seems that church may be a lot better for our spirits than our bodies these days. Too much hand shaking, hugging, eating and drinking together maybe our downfall. We’re just too touchy-feely.

Now sweating and coughing wasn’t much fun, but I HATE puking; so much so that I’ve managed to hold it in since 1978. So on that basis, I’m pleading with all the sick Christians out there to please stay away from church!! I don’t think God will mind if you spend some time in solitary prayer for one Sunday. We will miss you, that’s for sure, but we will not miss the invisible invaders that come to church with you. I’m assuming they’re not going to make it into heaven so they don’t need to fellowship with the rest of us.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to wash my hands. Again.

Philomena

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Strange Twist

Maybe your week has been as busy as mine. There’s a good chance it has. What pushes me over the edge from busy into frenzy is the number of different things that need to be taken care of, in addition to my regular 9-5. Multi-tasking is fun up to a point, and then crosses some invisible line, and I lose my mind. This week that line was crossed and I began to resent all the “extras” that were filling my time, causing me to be in the car driving around more than normal, making personal phone calls at work and generally diverting my attention every 30 minutes. I just wanted to be in one place, focusing on one thing for more than a few hours at a time. Ah, what a luxury! What I realised was that the place to find the most relief from the frenzy was………at work. At work I could sit down for a while. At work I could chat to people. At work I could enjoy a cup of coffee. By some strange twist, work had become rest.

I’ve come across this before. I remember a work colleague whose wife had just had a baby. He returned to work after a relatively short paternity leave. Surprised by his hasty return, we all encouraged him to go home and be with his new family. Through his sleep-deprived haze he pleaded with us to let him stay at work. There was peace and quiet there.

In our efforts to keep work in its place and to take rest seriously, it seems that mixing the two, even reversing the two, is very dangerous. If our place of work is the most restful place to be, the danger is we will want to spend more time there and less time at home with our friends and family. Is it true rest if we’re at work? I don’t think so.

If work is our rest then we have lost our way. We have allowed our time to be hijacked by all kinds of other activities and errands and concerns. If work is rest then I'm not sure we have any rest at all.

Philomena

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Baby Alligators

The Gator state – from whence we have just come – is a marvelous state for vacations. Where else can you crack open fresh coconuts, ride 4-wheelers, and call lizards “baby alligators” to entertain the children? Even more entertaining of course is seeing a real alligator, that relic of peanut-brained reptilian evolution. Alligators work well as threats for the kids: “don’t go in the back garden because the gators sometimes lay there”: as training in safety – “when an alligator runs after you, run and change directions because they can’t turn easily”: and as prophecies – “if you keep complaining you’ll turn into an alligator yourself”!

Children must be kept firmly in check on vacation. That’s why we gave them sugar cereals every morning, Dunkin’ Donuts surprise stops, fresh-squeezed orange juice, endless digital movies of their antics, and pool time till they turned as blue as the water itself.

As for the parents, it’s hard to overstate the value of doing no work for a stretch. Somehow the spatial distance from home, the 80-degree weather, and fresh mahi-mahi made many issues shrink in importance. Greek grammar can’t argue with the beach and sunshine helps gloss over the grey hairs. The sun also baked out every runny nose or sniffle in the children. What’s more, January 6^th was Theophany on the Orthodox Church calendar (a.k.a. The Baptism of our Lord) where a service takes place called The Blessing of the Waters. A true title is many respects when one thinks of fish, the ocean, and even those rivers which have those pesky alligators.

St. Nicodemus

Do Not Be Afraid

A number of years ago my husband led a devotional on the 4 angelic appearances in the Christmas story.  The first is to Zachariah, the second to Mary, the third to Joseph and the final one is to the shepherds.  Interestingly, each time the angel appears, he begins begins with "Do not be afraid."  Additionally, he explains WHY there is no reason to fear.  To Zachariah he says it's because his prayers have been heard.  To Mary he says it's because she's found favor with God. To Joseph he says it's because God is the author of this apparent trouble.  And to the shepherds he says it's because there is Good News!

Each Christmas I carry the reminder of that devotional in my heart, remembering the wonderful words of the angel.  For I, too, am a recipient of answered prayer, God's favor, His working of all things for good in my life, and the Good News.

But this year I've felt more than my usual dose of fear.  My husband and I are struggling to discern God's next step for our family, and I find myself in a whirlwind of concerns and anxious thoughts.  I am mostly concerned for my teenage daughter and what the future holds for her.  Yesterday I had my own "Do Not Be Afraid" message.  As I was reading in the New Testament and talking to the Lord, I stumbled across the words "Don't be afraid," and they were RED.  (In my Bible, that means that they were Jesus' direct words.)  I backed up and read the context and knew it was God's intentional message for me.  "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?  Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are numbered.  Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."  (Luke 12:6-7)

I immediately recognized that the fear and anxiety I've been experiencing is the result of not believing that God remembers me, or even worse, my daughter.  But He is reminding me that we are not forgotten by Him!  The complexities of our lives and our future are remembered by Him every moment, and He has a good plan.

In whatever place or situation you find yourself this Christmas season, may God speak to you His words:  "Do not be afraid."

-Theresa Olive