“I don’t know.”
May we teach these to our children. First, so that they know we are not God. Second, so that they can see how one learns: “Let’s go find out.” Third, so that when they have a job, they know what to say when they do not know. Honesty, humility, truth: they revive the soul.
Beth
Our seven year old struggles with a glass half empty. Yesterday she played all day with her best friend, watched a movie and had friends to dinner. She bewailed the fact that she hadn’t had time to read 'Peter Pan’. Here is an image that seemed to help her see the folly.
You are taken to an ice cream shop. You choose a chocolate chip ice cream on a sugar cone. Licking it with pleasure, your eye spies the caramel ice cream. You drop the cone on the floor and cry out, “But I don’t get to have caramel!”
A smile dawned on her face.
This parenting is tough work. Patience is not a natural virtue in me. But then, I guess I struggle with the same temptations as our daughter!
Beware of falling apples.
Beth
Okay, I have been reading a lot lately - a week in bed with bronchitis has its benefits. Our daughter just read "I-ville and You-ville", a newly translated book from Greece, which resembles Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress". The protagonist is Stubborn; his queen in I'ville is Conceit. But Stubborn meets Serenity who invites him to You-ville. The journey is difficult for someone who has been trained to say, "Me first!" One cannot find You-ville that way. But with the help of an elder and Humility (the queen of You-ville) he is guided to a new world. It is not sappy at all. I highly recommend it.
Beth
Yes, I am. Before moving to NY, I wrestled with the questions, "To dye or not to dye," and decided that Westchester might be the place to be the only grey-ish person. There is so much body altering going on here, it seemed that perhaps I could show that one can be happy and not altered - in eyes, lips, tummy, or even hair. To be honest, I am also cheap. And it has been a relief to read a book by a Nickolodean executive who wrote a book about her experience of going grey.
It is a light read which touches on deeper issues. Enjoy!
Beth
Moving to NY we have had a lot of changes - from my husband being a professor to a seminarian: from our daughters being in school to me homeschooling them. And it has given me the opportunity to take care of some of my own internal housekeeping. Briefly, for years I have had trouble with an alcoholic in my life (not my husband). Finally it became clear I had tried everything I knew of. Al-Anon presented itself, and I went. Of the 12 Steps in AA and Al-Anon, the twelfth is to share Al-Anon with others - of course being the evangelist, I like to jump to no.12!
One evening I read ten characteristics of people affected by another's alcoholism; my husband's jaw dropped. Although he had been supportive of my decision to give Al-Anon a go, my clear overlap in 8/10 areas deepened his impression that it was the place for me.
One aspect of growing up with alcoholism is that one is always guessing at what is normal. One also has huge control issues. Here is an example of an epiphany I had. Our 5 year old with Down Syndrome is a challenge, and I had been experiencing rage towards her for months. I knew it was unreasonable, but couldn't figure out why I was reacting to her in this way. I prayed, fasted, went to confession, exercized, got more sleep: nothing worked. One day I said, "She wants what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it." A few days later, having trouble with my 'qualifier' (AA term for alcoholic in ones life), out I blurted, "He wants what he wants, when he wants it, how he wants it."
Aha.
Awareness, Acceptance. (2 important Al-Anon steps) My rage at our daughter was not rage at her behavior, but rage at how my qualifier has behaved towards me. I needed to be aware of the connection, accept the feelings, and then know that I was in charge of my own behavior. Regardless of anyone else's behavior, I can have serenity, joy and gratitude.
Since that day, the rage against my daughter is gone. Poof.
I am so thankful for Al-Anon - so are my husband and girls.
Under the Mercy,
Beth
If you want a shot in the arm about the true aims of education, read David Hicks' treatise entitled, 'Norms and Nobility'. He reminds us that we need to teach children what ought to be done, not what can be done. In teaching children to ask and to seek answers to the great questions, "What is courage? What is virtue?" their imaginations are engaged in learning. When L. and I read Odysseus, I will not ask her first for themes, or 'what happened', but about character and how it is shown. I am a novice at this, but excited.
Beth
A couple here at the seminary is having their first child. The wife wants an at home natural birth. She plans the best food and natural toys for her child – and full time child care after a few weeks maternity leave. Instead of asking, “Where is the baby going to daycare?” I internally wonder, “Who is going to raise your child?”
We live in a very wealthy area where day care and nannies abound. The children are well dressed and kept busy. They sit in front of the tv, choose their own non fruit and veg meals, and take hip hop classes by age seven. But their eyes betray their emptiness. They know intuitively that their mothers would rather be working out of the house than making a home for them. I am not saying it is not stressful to live on one income. But we all make decisions based on our priorities. And some moms have to work. My experience is that these children, even who go to church, are empty – they feel wharehoused and lonely and managed, not nurtured. Only a mother can nuture the way a child was created to be nutured.
In ordering our lives, I really do think we need to begin with what is best and to strive for it. A child is not ‘lucky’ if her mother spends the first 18 months with her at home, as I have heard it said.
Beth
On the wall in my bedroom when I was between the ages of five and eight, hung a framed poster of lemons. The caption of the man in a puffy white hat exhorted, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” When I think of who I am, that silly poster encapsulates my reaction to new situations.
In raising our children, we are constantly thinking about the visual images to which we want them exposed, including corny posters. Hence, we love our Orthodox church, filled with images of holy men and women.
Children simply absorb their surroundings. By God’s grace we can continue to grow, but the American belief that one can reinvent oneself does not ring true to me. Our Thomas More compared Nicodemus to an onion years ago. Truly we are – ever growing, but growing from and around the beginning layers.
Thankfully, we can also make lemonade from lemons!
Beth
Glory to Jesus Christ!
Why did the Christians meet together daily? They needed to be strengthened in their faith. We live in a new area and it is taking a while to make friends. Where we used to live, there were few people who shared our faith and way of life. As Thomas More mentioned in a recent post, we try to keep the forefeast as a time of prayer and fasting, not feasting. Knowing others are eating lentils or plain pasta makes it easier to do so. We all know the story of the children with Down Syndrome who went back to help up the last who fell and crossed the finish line together. Living in community is like that. Getting 'there' first, isn't the point.
A few days ago the children were sledding - one sled, 5 kids. They decided each child could have three turns each. One girl insisted on going alone. She had her three turns. The next two girls realized that if they went together, they could each have six turns (and we all know one goes faster and further together). It struck me as a picture of the Christian life - one goes to Hell alone, but to Heaven together. As with so many images of Heaven, our Christian journey on earth - the struggle - is a preparation for the Heavenly Banquet.
Glory Forever,
Beth
Our almost-local library's children's librarian is a Classics graduate from Fordham University. I go in, ask her about books I have heard of, she gives me her honest appraisal, and then walks among the stacks pulling out wonderful books for our young reader. The librarian eschews brats and slang. Our daughter reads by the light of the hallway and wakes up early to read more. Hurrah! If, like I, you have been disappointed by a few librarians who don't seem to read much, take heart, many are probably longing for someone to ask for guidance - not just to show where the 'Babysitters Club' books are.
Here are some recent finds:
Geraldine MacCaughren (130 books) I love everything I have read by her - from Egyptian to Greek to Norse stories retold beautifully. A new book about Good King Wenceslaus is coming out, which I have not read.
Kate Seredy, "The Good Master"
Elizabeth Janet Gray "Adam of the Road" (lots of books written, many in medieval era, historically accurate)
MM Kaye, "The Ordinary Princess"
Elizabeth Enright, "Thimble Summer" and "The Saturdays" (of the Melendy Quartet)
Rachel Field, "Hitty: Her First Hundred Years"
E. Nesbit, "Five Children and It"
Maud Hart Lovelace, Betsy-Tacy series
LM Alcott, "An Old-Fashioned Girl"
Sidney Taylor "All-of-a-Kind Family"
MacBride, Little House on the Prarie spin offs
Philippa Pierce, "Tom's Midnight"
Reading when I can,
Beth
Hugh Hewitt: Blog: Understanding the Information Reformation That's Changing Your World
Fyodor Dostoevsky: The Brothers Karamazov (Everyman's Library (Cloth))
Marie Winn: The Plug-In Drug: Television, Computers, and Family Life
Shelby Steele: The Content of Our Character: A New Vision of Race In America
Thomas Howard: Splendor in the Ordinary: Your Home as a Holy Place
C. S. Lewis: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Full-Color Collector's Edition)
John Bunyan: The Pilgrim's Progress (Oxford World's Classics)
Lewis Carroll: Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass (Illustrated Junior Library)
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